Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
there's paper in my vomit.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
