He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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