You're my little dorito
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
