I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
