you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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