I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
