I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
