I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so let's talk penis.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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