I think I am morally bankrupt
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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