yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
