Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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