I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
