i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she peed on how many people?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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