Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
