you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
