im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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