first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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