I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
