His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
