found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
