mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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