Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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