Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sober January is a disaster.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
