I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
