oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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