Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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