You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
