I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
