Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
