the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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