I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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