Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
