I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
high people should be assigned attendants
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
