I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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