all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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