Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
