I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
