he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
