Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
