ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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