I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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