Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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