I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
