I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
