I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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