I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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