if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
