I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
