last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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