For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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