Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
