After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You may now shotgun with the bride
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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