My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Soap is not a condiment
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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