I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
