Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
