We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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