Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
