Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
is it fun? or sober?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
